Pool noodles

Delighted,
the child
Sweeps the surface of the water
With his pool noodle
And speaks of eel-fish
And the little boy who wrote his name
on the sea-shore -
who lost the words forever
When the tide came up -
The story that anchored him
warmly in his bed
the night before.

But the mother who stands in the shallows
Watching over him
Is in agony
Cannot stop herself
From scratching at her wounds
Does not know
How to calm the fury
And the fear
That rose up in
Her like a storm
When she stepped into the water.

The world
Ricochets
Around her
Like a headache
Exploding
Behind the eyes.
Long-lasting,
Inimical.

Fragments burnt into her memory
Like a virus on a hard drive
Impossible to delete

The love she did not find
The love she would give anything to keep.

The love
She thought she needed

The love she discovered was worth nothing at all.

To keep her hands from tearing at her own skin -
She reaches for the shaft of foam

Lets it float her
Through the memory of betrayal

And yet, still, always -
The longing to connect.

She wants the water to pool around her
as cool,
And clear as forgiveness.

She watches her son wield
His wand,
Like a wizard,

Summoning hope.

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